13-Hour Stand-off Ends in Surprise Surrender; 1 Creature Dead

A 13-hour stand-off in an upstairs master bathroom has come to an end this morning, after an unexpected surrender that left one creature dead.

The perpetrator, Jim “Blackbeard” Cricket, tormented Mr. and Mrs. Homeowner for several hours last night as he disturbed the peace with his loud, obnoxious chirping. Hiding himself so as not to disclose his identity or whereabouts, Mr. Cricket refused to leave the Homeowners’ bathroom all night. The Homeowners became distraught searching for Mr. Cricket, and they became exhausted as they attempted to sleep in the adjoining master bedroom. Even closing the door between the two rooms did not muffle Mr. Cricket’s disturbing racket.

Finally, around 9:45 a.m. this morning, just as Mrs. Homeowner was preparing for her shower, Mr. Cricket quite unexpectedly surrendered, flinging himself onto the vinyl bathroom flooring between two sage-colored bath rugs. He appeared to have fallen from the bathroom vent fan fixture, but that could not be confirmed because there were no other eyewitnesses.

Upon surrendering, Mr. Cricket was shaken and injured, yet still considered very dangerous. Boldly acting in self defense, Mrs. Homeowner promptly detained Mr. Cricket in a small pile of Kleenex tissues, and shortly thereafter she administered the death penalty.

Mr. Cricket was quietly laid to rest in the bathroom trash can; no friends or family were present for the memorial. At press time, Mr. Cricket’s long-time girlfriend, Christy, could not be reached for comment. Authorities expect to hear from her late this evening in a yard adjacent to the Homeowners.

In an effort to preserve precious taxpayer money, Mr. and Mrs. Homeowner will file no charges.

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